Advanced Prostate Cancer

It’s been far worse

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, the Big C -

Today’s milestone is a tough one.

Five years ago today I officially found out I had Prostate Cancer.

Here’s a link to that blog entry:

February 11, 2005

I vividly remember sitting in a conference room at work taking the call from my doctor.

Wow, the emotions come roaring back.

I took this call and walked out of the office and cried the whole way home.

The weekend turned out to be the bottom emotionally. Mary and I cried, a lot!

The thing is, we recovered very quickly and by Monday evening when I came home from work, she grabbed me and told me that although we may not beat the monster, we weren’t giving up, and most of all, we weren’t going to spend any time feeling sorry for ourselves.

For the last five years we have continued down this path, finding the positive and not letting the negative get us down. We have not and will not dwell on the statistics. I’m in a different place now; a much, much different person.

D, Quinientos, Fünfhundert. Cinq Cents, 五百

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, the Big C -

I have arrived at the first of a number of upcoming milestones.
This one is the 500th blog entry here at “The Big C”
With this monumental opportunity, what should I write about?
I have decided that today it once again is not about me,
it will be about my PCa brethren. So here’s to you guys,
in no particular order:
Dad, Doug, Dan and John
Dan J in New York
Eric S in Colorado
Merle in ?
Mark H in Texas
Greg J in Texas
Walt W In Alabama
Tony C in Nevada
Jan and Dom in Florida
Brian W in Utah
Kim and Brian in New Zealand
Terry in Australia
Jay S in Kansas
Bob in Missouri

Finally, on a somber note, those that this disease has taken from our world:
Wes
Rick
Aubrey
Ric M

For those who continue to battle this disease and for those who we have lost, I dedicate this prayer:
Prayer to Saint Peregrine ~ Patron Saint to cancer patients

O great St. Peregrine,
you have been called “The Mighty,”
“The Wonder-Worker,”
because of the numerous miracles
which you have obtained from God
for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years
you bore in your own flesh
this cancerous disease
that destroys the very fiber of our being,
and who had recourse
to the source of all grace
when the power of man could do no more.

You were favored with the vision of Jesus
coming down from His Cross
to heal your affliction.

Ask of God and Our Lady,
the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you.
(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)

Aided in this way by your powerful intercession,
we shall sing to God,
now and for all eternity,
a song of gratitude
for His great goodness and mercy.
Amen.

Thanks Phil!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson -

As you are probably aware, that little rodent in Pennsylvania saw his shadow on Tuesday. Six more weeks of winter! I really don’t believe in this superstition, but as I watch yet another batch of snow fall, I just hope he’s wrong.

It’s been a long winter here in the Kansas City area. Our total snowfall must be near record-breaking. The only good thing is the fact that it has not been too cold for the entire time.

I can’t help yearn for Spring and all that it brings and implies. It is, as I’ve expressed here ad nauseam, my favorite season. Who can’t imagine the days of tulips, green grass, birds chirping and the rest.

I’ve recently connected with yet another man far to young to be ravaged with advanced prostate cancer. He’s only 39 and his diagnosis is strikingly similar to mine. He has started a blog as well and I have a link to it on this site. So, for Brian in Utah, it’s things like Spring that you should focus on. Yes there will be times when the entirety of the battle consumes you, but do your best to put that aside and turn your focus to your family and friends and all that is good in this world.

Pollyanna? Perhaps it is, but it seems to have worked for me over the past five years. As I said to Mr. Miller a few weeks back, you have to just get up and put you pants on and get on with it.

Well, that’s all I got for now. My next post will mark a big milestone. Have a great week-end!

Happy Blog-Aversary!!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, the Big C -

Five years ago on February 2, 2005 I started this little blog that I titled, “The Big C”. The first entry is below.

So many things have changed in my life. I am clearly not the same person that I was when I wrote these words five years ago. I still remember as I sat at my desk, writing these words, tears were streaming down my cheeks. My thoughts were scattered. At the same time, I was clearly focused on what is the most important part of my life, my family.

They have changed as well. Brad is older and quite the young man. I am so proud of him. Mary and I were always close, but I can’t believe how much closer we have grown through this experience. It’s amazing how wonderful life can be in the middle of the chaotic irony that we live.

And so yesterday, there Mary and I sat like we do every 28 days, waiting for my Oncologist to share my test results. We had considerable discussion about the pains I have been having in my right leg and hip. The discussion went no where. Is it cancer related? Is it early signs of arthritis? We speculated as best we could. We decided to give it another 4 weeks and see if the pain changes, remains the same or goes away. Just to be clear, it’s very intermittent and three Advil always takes care of it for a day or more. Because it involves my right hip, which is where the pain began prior to my diagnosis, it is a concern for me each time I experience the pain. If the pain returns, the doctor will request xrays, which will help us to determine the source of the pain – arthritis vs cancer, or perhaps a combination of the two.

A harder decision that I have made after discussing it with Mary and the doctor is to stop playing disc golf for a few weeks. I’m crushed, but it ‘s the best thing to do. I really need to give my leg a rest and disc golf more than anything puts a lot of stress on my right leg, hip and knee. So I will temporarily retire and be the full time score keeper. I will still enjoy the camaraderie and get exercise by walking the course. At the same time I’ll be taking a lot more pictures while we are out on the course. We’ll see how it goes. Hopefully this will be short lived and I’ll be back at it in a few weeks.

So back to today; my PSA was down eight points! Most people would not be too excited to be told their PSA is at 103. For us, it was music to our ears.

Happy Blog-Aversary indeed!!

Peace be with you all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The start of the end?

I thought about starting this with links to resources about prostate cancer, but had second thoughts. Interested parties can easily find those on their own, just start at http://www.webmd.com/ or http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/ and go forth.

So here I am, a 42 year old, white male and tomorrow I am having a biopsy to determine if the problems I am experiencing are ultimately diagnosed as Prostate Cancer. Grim thought indeed.

Worse case, unsuccessful treatment, or surgery and death. Best case, it’s simply prostatitis (sp?) and the wonderful world of medications will cure all. I’m remaining somewhat hopeful but because of family history and the number of symptoms I have, I am fighting to remain positive. I pray a lot more than I ever have.

I worry most about my wife and young son and how they would go on? Braggadocio aside, I am her life. We are very close and literally are each others world. She lost her mom at 8, the same age he is now. Financially she will be fine because of insurance and other investments we have made over the years. But I worry about them both emotionally and psychologically. I can’t imagine going on without her or him, it saddens me deeply. I pray a lot more than I ever have……

Posted by David E at 3:23 PM 2/2/05

Come On!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, C'mon C'mon, David Emerson, Rescue Me, Von Bondies -

Back to ‘Rescue Me’…

The opening song for the show is called “C’mon, C’mon”
by the Von Bondies. Personally I am not familiar with this group at all,
however I love this song!

I’m not sure if it was specifically written for the show, i.e. about firefighters,
but as I read the words today it occurred to me it could have easily
been written for the prostate cancer brotherhood.

Find the song. Download the song! It’s a real rocker!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“C’mon C’mon”
Von Bondies
(The theme song for “Rescue Me”)
On another day c’mon c’mon
With these ropes tied tight can we do no wrong
Now we grieve ’cause now it’s gone
Things were good when we were young

With my teeth bite down I can see the blood
Of a thousand men who have come and gone
Now we grieve ’cause now it’s gone
Things were good when we were young

Is it safe to say? (c’mon c’mon)
Was it right to leave? (c’mon c’mon)
Will I ever learn? (c’mon c’mon)
(c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon)

As I make my way c’mon c’mon
Through these battered nights that seem too long
Now we grieve ’cause now it’s gone
Things were good when we were young

With my teeth bite down I can see the blood
Of a thousand men who have come and gone
Now we grieve ’cause now it’s gone
Things were good when we were young

Is it safe to say? (c’mon c’mon)
Was it right to leave? (c’mon c’mon)
Will I never learn? (c’mon c’mon)
(c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon)

Is it safe to say? (c’mon c’mon)
Was it right to leave? (c’mon c’mon)
Will I never learn? (c’mon c’mon)
(c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon)

And on this day these deepened wounds don’t heal so fast
Can’t hear me croon of a million lies that speak no truths
Of a time gone by that now is through

On a whim…..

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, dennis miller radio show, Jim Moret -

Like much of what I have seen of Dennis Miller over the years on TV, his radio show is this eclectic gathering of thoughts, ideas, topics and more. It’s politics, Hollywood, authors, and just regularpeople like you and I rolled into three jam packed hours of entertainment.

At work while in between meetings, etc. I popped in to listen to the live webcast of the Dennis Miller Radio Show. During today’s second hour, Dennis had a guest author, Jim Moret. Jim has recently published a new book “The Last day of My Life” and the back story and conversation between he and Dennis had me mesmerized. After Jim’s segment ended, on a whim I called Dennis.

Much to my surprise two callers later it was Dennis and me, live on the air! I initially called to share some smart ass remark he could share regarding Sarah Palan and Bill O’Reilly. First I wanted to thank Dennis for having Mr. Moret on the show, but very quickly the conversation turned to me. It was pretty cool. I even got to promote the website for ‘Faith, Love, Hope, Win’, twice!

I sent an email asking for a copy of the call, however I doubt that will happen. If by some miracle it were to happen, I’ll post a link here.
Dennis, I know you’ll never read this, but I wanted to once again extend my heartfelt thanks for allowing my a few minutes of time on your show. If just one person visits www.flhw.org and finds information on prostate cancer, and it causes him to see his doc, then it was worth my acting without thinking….which I tend to shy away from these days.

Keep up the good work Dennis, you are a fine, fine man.

My Latest Obsession

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, Dennis Leary, Rescue Me -

So now I’m hooked, and I mean really hooked on the show ‘Rescue Me‘. It stars Dennis Leary as New York City firefighter Tommy Gavin. I got season one from Netflix some time ago and just started watching it over the holiday. Season one originally aired back in 2004 and I believe season five just aired recently. I watched my way half way through season two this weekend and am enthralled.

Tommy’s past constantly haunts him, his failed marriage, the death of his cousin on 9/11, alcoholism, etc. In the first season he saw visions of people he saved, or didn’t save from fires. This season he started having visions and discussions with Jesus. If you watch the show, it all makes sense.

So on the episode I was watching this morning, he’s talking to Jesus and they are dancing around ‘God’s Plan’. You know, why would God inflict pain and suffering on us without revealing his plan? Wow, did that hit close to home. I’ve really been living that mystery for the last five years! There has to be more to this then diagnosis, treatment, suffering, death. Furthermore, what about those in my life that are left behind? What about the impact on their ‘plan’? What about the impact on their life, their future?

Sorry to be so cerebral, so theological today. I was just obsessing a bit because sometimes, it is about me..

The beach is how far away?

Advanced Prostate Cancer, anna maria island, David Emerson, PSA -

I have to start by complaining a little about the weather. Wow is it cold here in KC! Sub zero temperatures and wind chills that will freeze you in minutes. Yes, we had a white Christmas, now I am ready for a little reprieve from the snow and freezing temperatures.

On Monday I had my four week appointment with Dr. V.My PSA stands at 111. That is up 3 points from December, virtually stable. If It had gone from 8 to 11, I’d be worried but with numbers that high, it’s as if it didn’t change.
Yes I’ve become a little complacent, but what we are waiting for is a big jump and/oran increased amount of pain. Right now, as I type this I am pain free. This leaves us,once again, living in a 28 day cycle.
At some point, hopefully months from now, we will have to make a decision on our next treatment. I’ve gone over what those choice are here time and time again so I’ll save that for another post. The choices are few and the long term benefits of most are negligible. However, we go on,heads up, stronger than ever.
As we grind through another frigid winter day I look forward to a few degrees of warmth that perhaps will come next week. I also look forward to a trip to the beach and the warmth and comfort of sand between my toes and Maryat my side. Perhaps it’s time to start making those plans…

Joe had to go!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, Joe Engelman, Tucson -

In just over an hour I’m going to have lunch with a really, really good friend.

Our friend Joe is off to Tucson next week. It’s a great career opportunity and what is sure to be a life changing event.

I’m not sure what I’ll miss about him most? Here’s a sample of some of my blog posts that mention Joe. Disc golf on Saturday mornings will never be the same without Joe, Sadie and Pete (his dogs). My mind goes back to road trips and overseas trips with Joe.

Sweden the summer of 2006, my how three years has just flown by! Followed up by the British Open. A trip to Des Monies and Omaha in April of 2007 for back to back tournaments. Perhaps the most fun was the day Joe, Rich and I went to Marshall and Columbia Missouri and played 72 holes!

A picture from this years FLHW Golf Tournament captures his personality perfectly!

So long my friend! Be safe, stay in touch and come back often!

There is an app for that!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, Apple, David Emerson, FLHW, iPhone, MTB Mobile -

It took some time to develop, but the final version of the FLHW iPhone App is complete and ready to download. If you are using an iPhone or iTouch, click the image below to download. You can also go to the iTunes store and search for ‘FLHW’. It’s free, please go download today and let me know what you think. There is a lot of information on FLHW as well as on Prostate Cancer in general. You can also share with friends, etc. via Facebook and Twitter.

I owe all of this to a company here in Kansas City, MTB Mobile. Jeff and Andy put a lot into this little app, and they did all of it out of the goodness of their hearts. Thanks to both of you for all your hard work and persistence through the Apple approval process.