As I have mentioned at least once before, I thank God this happened to me during spring.

I cannot imagine going through this in the fall or winter. Being cooped up in the house, the world around dead and dormant….it’s a little depressing just thinking about it!

So today I drive to work and scan through my iPod real quick and select Van Morrison’s “Back on Top”. Overall a great CD (thanks Peter for turning me on to it back at Rockhurst!), but the songs and theme if you will are about fall (“…when the leaves come falling down…”) or lost love (“…reminds me of you…”) etc. So there is the back drop or the setup.

I get in the car and traffic is brutal. Now I know KC has nothing to complain about compared to New York, LA, Chicago, Houston etc. but the drive that should take me 25 minutes take 45+. I bailed off the highway after having enough and meandered my way through local streets and much lighter traffic. It was a great decision….it is spring after all and there is not a lot to be seen from the interstate!

Redbuds and Bartlet pears….I must go to DC and see the Cherry Blossoms one day…tulips, hyacinths and basically just the fact that everything turned green and buds exploded over the last week or so…..

Thank God for spring, another factor to get me though this…..

I haven’t told many people I work with what is going on with me, I’m not sure why not? I have told no one at work about this blog. However, through a mutual friend someone did find out. In my two years here I have had little to no interaction with her but the other day we sat in her office and she told me I inspired her. I was floored and touched at the same time. She went through and continues to go through some health issues of her own ~ find a way to send your prayers her way!

We now have less than 96 hours until our first doctor appointment in Houston, the butterflies have found a home in my stomach, it must be spring!

Having a weekend to reflect on Friday’s news, I am becoming more and more of a believer in two things; the power of prayer and the ability of our bodies to heal themselves. While I am not saying this is over, Friday’s news was pretty encouraging!

First, I owe all of you a tremendous amount of gratitude. The number of prayer groups, prayer chains, mass intentions and
just simple silent individual prayers is staggering. My love to all of you.

[AMENDED 4/12] after some thought I hope this next passage is not taken as judgmental? The point I am trying to get across is that I use to smoke, many years ago and I quit. I knew I had a lousy diet and didn’t exercise enough and it took something like this to change me. I am lucky, I have very strong will power, but at the same time I was forced into a change. If anyone reads this and it starts them down a path to a “healthier” lifestyle, than good for them, let me know what I can do to help!

Second, as I drove into work today (raining, traffic, SLOW) I noticed two things; a “weight challenged” women pulled out of Hardees and a half a dozen drivers flick their cigarette butts on to the highway. My though was this; compare your body to an automobile. Would you ever consider putting gasoline in the crankcase? Or oil in the gas tank? I don’t necessarily have a good analogy, but our bodies are like a machine, if you put garbage in, your body has to expend so much energy processing the junk, it cannot focus on running properly or fighting off the “bad guys”.

I’ll try not to harp on and on about this, just give it some thought…..

[OTHER NEWS] On his own, Brad wrote a prayer to the Pope and read it during the announcements at school this morning.
Without offense to anyone whose children attend public schools, I wonder if they even discussed the Pope in public schools?

OK, before I share the results, a little recap since you don’t leave and breath this stuff on a daily basis.
– A “normal” PSA count is less the 1
– When your nunber/count gets around 4 your doctor will start to check you more often
– A score near 10 in ususally not good and is most likely an indicator you have Prostate Cancer
– My scores were 187 and 219 before I started this medication
– My doctor had indicated that at this point if my scores got down near or below 50 it would be a good signal that the medication is working

And so this morning I roll up my sleve and get proded for the millionth time.

The nurse just called…..and the number was…..

3.51 !!!!

No that is not a typo “three point five one”!!!!

While this doesn’t mean I’m out of the woods, it could indicate several of the other
areas may have cleared up, or at least shruken is size? We’ll find out in Houston.

But, we finally got some good medical news…we’re celebrating tonight!
But, still no red meat!

I just noticed that it has been over two months since my first entry….

In 5, 10, 15, ? years from now, when I am cured, or in remission or no longer with you, there will memories. Some of these memories will be good, some may be be bad (hopefully, not to many). They will come to you as all subconscious thoughts tend do, briefly, quickly and for reasons that are hard to explain. It is this journal, my experience and my fight that are some how going to effect you and in some way I will have influenced you.

I am not professing to be a prophet, or to be sent into your life for some spiritual reason, I’m just a firm believer in “Everything happens for a reason”, fate, predetermined destiny etc. My having cancer is going to have some impact on you. It may make you change your diet, it may cause you to go in for that check up (as it has for about 10 people that I know of so far!), it may make you slow down your life, or reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in years. It may do nothing more than make you laugh or cry occasionally.

I seem to have skipped one of the usual steps in this “process” and that is where I feel sorry for myself and wonder how this could have happened to me or why God could do this to me. I’m not sure why, but I see that type of thinking as a waste of time. No one can answer those questions anyway so I have skipped that “step” and chosen to focus on what is next? Or how I beat this? Or as this entry shows, what this will do to those around me?

My having cancer is going to have some impact on you, I pray that it is somehow meaningful and long lasting.

My overall health (physical and mental) continues to be outstanding. Weight loss has slowed but still continues, by mid-week I should reach the 30 pounds lost mark. This has been the easiest part of this ordeal.
The medication is having one side effect, I am having VERY brief periods of what I assume are mild hot flashes. To the women reading this, I can not imagine how you get through a full fledged episode! Mine happen two to three times a day and only last for about 5 minutes. The only way I can think to describe it is this; imagine when you have a cold or flu that includes a fever and you experience that sensation of being hot and chilled at the same time. Clamy….

Mentally/emotionally, we are both are getting through this part with little difficulty. I sense the pressure or worry starting to mount a little as we get closer to April 17th! Again the feeling of this whole thing being surreal has returned…..

This past weekend was great, warm spring weather, a lot of yard work (too much!), I played my best round of disc golf ever, a professional soccer game with 8 second graders, the death of our Pope and a lot of needed time with family and friends.

I met a guy named Mark last week, he’s quite a bit younger (early 30’s maybe?), it was a chance meeting at a friends bachelor party. We swapped experiences for an hour and a half and never engaged in the event……..pray for Mark, he has Hodgkin’s and has already experienced two failed marrow transplants.

A very wise lady has told me time and time again that “Everything happens for a reason”, in my case that reason is becoming clearer and clearer…..

I had a few phone calls in the last few days to straighten out insurance and other issues for our trip to Houston. Everything is progressing rather well (knock on wood). With all the news stories regarding how bad insurance coverage can be, this looks like it might work out very well!

Mary asked me yesterday if I “was getting nervous?”. I’m not at all. Not only do I feel great physically, but mentally I am not worried at all (maybe just a little, tiny bit). I am sure as we get closer to traveling to Houston things might change, but right now I am in this very peaceful place mentally.

I look at it this way; the doctors, the medication etc. can, and most likely will, break me down physically. What they cannot take is my mind, my spirit, my hope and my faith. I will beat this, we will vacation in the sand, we will go to Italy, or Ireland or ??? I have no doubt!

Two boxes were waiting after work last night!
So let the orders begin….come on, you can do it!
[click on the link to the left, print the page, fill
it out and drop the form and payment in the mail]

Thank you very much for those we have already received!

I will never claim to be a “poet”, but below is something I wrote to Brad. He was two at the time and we were at Disney World. He must have rode the carousel 25 times that day.

After this weekends events, and seeing my friend so torn apart, it seemed appropriate to share this with you.

Carousel (9/98)
The bell rings,
As the music begins,
Your world starts spinning,
when will your innocence end?

Your eyes turn from blue to hazel,
Smiles flash by again and again,
Your life is spinning by me to quickly,
stop the ride so,
I can say I love you.

Give your kids extra hug today, tell a friend that you love them, do something nice for a stranger…….

I’m numb. I’m without words.
Today has got to be the bottom because I can’t imagine the things around me getting any worse.

This time it has nothing to do with me and my situation. One of my best friends in the world lost his daughter today. I only saw him for a minute today…as you can imagine he is devastated.

Suddenly I feel unbelievably lucky. You see, I have a tomorrow, I have a chance, I have Hope.

Hope is the voice God uses to speak to our hearts instead of our heads.

Please, regardless of the fact you don’t know this man, direct your prayers his way. He’s in a real bad place right now and he needs the power of your prayers and mine far more than I do.

It may sound strange to read, perhaps not, but I love him like a brother and my heart is in pain for him tonight.

Never place a period in your life where God meant to place a comma.

I love you dude, reach out, I’m here for you!

Houston is all set. April 17th we will fly down. Our first meeting is Monday the 18th at 9:30am. We have to plan on being there for 7 consecutive business days but we could be done as early as 3 or 4 so we had to find changable tickets….good thing we had a dear friend come through! We also had some help with a great hotel rate….I am getting a little anxious and it’s still over 4 weeks away.

I had an initial meeting this morning as I try to set up a non-profit. I have someone attempting to set up a meeting with an attorney to help create a 501.3c. I also have someone putting together a logo I can use for a website and other marketing materials.
I’ll share more ideas at a later time but it’s late and I have an early morning date in the basement with the weights….18 pounds down, many more to go! As I told someone today, the weird thing is between the diet and the exercise, I haven’t felt this good in years…..