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Jumping the Gun

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My Oncologist called this morning with my PSA number. When it was him on the phone, I knew right away that I was not going to like what followed.

12-31-07 PSA number: 30.9

And so we wait through the month of January. Perhaps the last few weeks have had an impact? My diet didn’t change but I was certainly less active and much more lethargic than usual.

No sweat….. it is what it is!

Historical Numbers
Date – PSA
12/31/07 30.9
12/3/07 21.9
11/5/07 23.3
10/8/07 19.30
>10/8/07 Changed Lupron from 120 day dose to monthly dose
> 9-12-07 Began taking .5mg of Avodart per day. Changed Ketoconazole from 600mg twice per day to 400mg three times per day)
9/4/07 21.80
8/6/07 19.25
8/2/07 16.96
7/02/07 20.30
6/04/07 17.80
4/30/07 16.25
4/2/07 17.68
3/5/07 21.87
2/5/07 20.90
1/8/07 18.90
12/11/06 24.86
11/13/06 43.61
10/16/06 51.48 (Started “High Dose” Ketoconazole and Hydrocortisone, 10/01)[at this point and for a second time we prepared for Taxotere. First my Oncologist wanted to try High Dose Ketoconazole and Hydrocortisone.]
9/11/06 83.97 (started Zometa)
8/23/06 41.77
8/18/06 54.66(no tests in June or July)
5/19/06 11.37 (stopped Casodex)
4/3/06 4.25
3/5/06 1.45 (started Casodex again)
1/27/06 0.46
12/28/05 1.85[at this point we prepared for Taxotere, chemotherapy treatments. First I had a new PSA test and new bone and CT scans, lymph nodes clear, spine clear, ribs, femur and hips stable. The PSA dropped to 1.85 and the scans revealed marked improvement. Chemo was cancelled 72 hours before it was scheduled to begin]
12/15/05 7.18
11/03/05 4.64 (Stopped taking Casodex)
9/22/05 0.8
08/11/05 0.35
6/24/05 0.55
4/17/05 2.51 (taken at MD Anderson, Gleason lowered to 7/7)
4/06/05 3.51 (Six weeks after starting Lupron and Casodex)Original Gleason scores (7/8)Pre-treatment test:
2/?/05 219
12/?/04 189 (Original test)

Mirrors and Crystal Balls

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Obviously, I'm reflecting while looking ahead at the same time.

2007 – was an incredible year. You may not realize this, but it was the first year since 2004 where we weren't subjected to the "chemo decision".
In 2004, we were still researching, still waiting for diagnosis, testing etc.,  but we had already began to research and knew chemo was possible.
In 2005, I actually came within about 72 hours of starting a chemotherapy regimen, but thankfully, my PSA dropped after stopping Casodex.
In 2006, we were preparing for chemo once again, but switched Oncologists and added Ketoconazole to my treatment regimen.
In 2007, my PSA stabilized to a level that we decided collectively with the doctor that we were managing the cancer and month over month did not have to consider chemo.  After my appointment yesterday, I am hopeful that we will be well into 2008 before we may have to consider it once again!

So now, a look into the future…

On January 27th our local disc golf club will be holding the annual Ice Bowl. There are two rules for this event, No Whimps, No Whiners.
We play regardless what the weather conditions may be.  Refer to last year's blog on the event for insight.  I was pleasantly surprised to receive a phone call a few days before Christmas, when the coordinator called to tell me FLHW was going to be one of this year's beneficiaries! On a personal note, what makes this year a little more special to me is that the event will take place on my birthday!!! If you would like to participate, here is the registration/donation form.

A week later, on Fat Tuesday, my Knights of Columbus Council, in conjunction with FLHW will hold another Texas Hold 'em event. The date will be February 5th and the location is likely to be Johnny's in Overland Park, I'll post full details once the arrangements are  confirmed.

Spring Break will find us enjoying the sun and beaches of Anna Maria Island once again.  We still have several months before we go, but I'm already day dreaming about the beach, the sun and of course, the seafood!

Another potential event in 2008 may be a disc golf tournament which would also be a fund raiser, as well as an opportunity to promote an awareness of prostate cancer in our community. It is likely to be in the April or early May time frame.

The summer will bring another vacation and I am hoping we can make it to the rocky mountains and Colorado. This sounds quite relaxing and plans will begin soon….

This Fall we will have the fourth annual FLHW golf tournament. We are hoping that the proceeds from the 2008 golf tournament, along with the funds raised from the additional events, will bring our cumulative donation to over $100,000 in three years.

We are are looking forward to working with the FLHW Board and family and friends throughout the coming year.  Do you find it strange that as 2008 begins, I am actually peeking ahead? Just a little?

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and 300!

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This might be my last entry for 2007, perhaps.

Tomorrow I am out of the office for an all day meeting. Then I will be on vacation until January 3rd.

So much time, so little to do.

First and foremost, Merry Christmas to all of you. Enjoy the time with your families. Take real time away from work. Recharge you batteries. Just get away (if not physically, atleast mentally!).

With this post, number 300 in my continuing saga, we turn into a new year. It seems like yesterday, December of 2005, that Mary and I spent the holiday season, all of January and the first half of February stressed out. Stressed as you can only imagine. Those days are long behind us. Not that life is stress free, it’s just different. We have accepted the diagnosis of Prostate Cancer. It is what it is.

On the 31st I’ll have another blood test, and we’ll anxiously await the results and deal with things thereafter. The monthly emotional roller coaster ride begins again. 2008 may bring changes in test results, although things could remain the same, (we pray that they will), however, it is likely to change. I thank God for 2007, it turned out to be one heck of a year.
Prostate Cancer has changed me, the people I have met have changed me. I have gotten to know friends and family members better, that has changed me. Some changes are subtle, others more pronounced and in some ways remarkable. Funny how that works.

So in closing, find the time to light a fire, snuggle up with your loved ones, turn on “It’s a Wonderful Life” and cry like I always do when ZuZu says “Look Daddy, teachers says every time a bell rings an angel gets their wings!”

That’s right, that’s right.

It snowed last night….

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It snowed last night,
it snowed last night,
the snow bears had,
a pillow fight.

It has been over 30 years since grade school, when I sang that song.I am not sure what brought it to mind?

Perhaps it was our weekly game of disc golf yesterday?
22 degrees, 2 inches of snow on the ground and more falling as we played. It was a beautiful morning. The five of us, pretty much the nucleus of the Saturday morning gang, tromped and sloshed our way through the woods. I may have mentioned it here before, but if you’ve never been in the woods during a snow fall, I highly recommend that find an opportunity to do so. I can’t explain it, but it is truly a beautiful experience.

The rest of weekend was filled with a basketball game, a Christmas party, addressing Christmas cards, wrapping presents and getting ready for the holiday week. Tis the season!

Sounds of the Season

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We spent the weekend helping the economy by taking our annual trip to the lake with my brother and sister in law and children, viewed the Christmas light displays and started Christmas shopping at the lake in Osage Beach.
It was a great time – anytime spent around family usually is! Mary would add that anytime spent shopping is also a great time!
Between Thanksgiving and last night I ate way too much!
Solacing to my gastrointestinal pain were the Missouri Tigers winning on Saturday night! My apologies to all you Kansas fans!
A few items I mentally noted, mostly while standing in the cold as the dog did his business at 7:00am:
> I love the sound of rain on the steel roof of a boat dock.
> If you haven’t, you must experience the sound of rain as it lands on the branches and freezes to trees. You will need to find a real quiet place, one with no highway or traffic noises.
> Travel can be fun, but coming home can be so appeasing.
> I really enjoy Mary’s pumpkin pancakes.

My Thanksgiving – 2007

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As I create this post, I sort of feel like an award winner giving an acceptance speech, I have a long list of people and things to be thankful for, I’m bound to forget a few individuals or groups, I’m sorry if I do.
Mary – I have mentioned her support here from time to time, definitely not enough! I am usually at a loss for words while trying to describe what it is she does for me and how much she means to me. I can only begin to guess what this is doing to her? She is everything to me, my Gibraltar, she means the world to me.
Family – son, brothers, sisters, father, in-laws. They are always close, always ready to help. Needed more than I can fathom, appreciated more than I let them know.
Friends – this list could go on, and on and on. It would however be unfair to mention anyone specifically. There are active supporters and distant supporters, both needed in their own way. All are appreciated more than a few words in this blog can express.
Health – you may be asking, how could he put this in his list of things to be thankful for? Well, my health could be so much worse. While there are a number of obstacles (options) ahead of me, I try not to look too far ahead. Obsessing over the ‘what if’s’ and options and side effects of each potential next treatment could drive one crazy. So with this in mind, I live in the right now. I eat like an athlete, work out like a twenty something and if it weren’t for a couple of glasses of wine each weekend, I’d be squeaky clean. It’s hard. I can’t explain how hard it is. Yes on me, but also on Mary. She’s the one that makes sure I have fresh fruit every day and that dinners are planned and the appropriate food is purchased. I just help cook occasionally and clean up from time to time.
Spiritual – I am far from a saint, nor am I the ideal Catholic, but I try. I pray so much more than before I was diagnosed, and many, many times the prayers are directed elsewhere. Remember, as I have written here before, it’s not about me. I still struggle from time to time (briefly) with Why me? Why now? What does this mean? Why does God test me?
Maybe I’ll figure it all out one day. Today I am just thankful for all of these things and the fact that God gave me the wisdom to understand just well enough to fight on. He gave me the faith, love and hope required to battle on, so I do.
Peace be with you all and have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

My other brothers

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I don’t think I’ve gone into much detail regarding this subject, but I know I have referenced it on a number of occasions.

I have two brothers, I love them both dearly. My brother in law Rich is also like a brother to me. However, there is another group of brothers that are becoming more and more important in my life. They are my Prostate Cancer ‘brothers’. They live in New York, Texas, New Zealand, Australia, England and more. There is one gentleman who lives in Colorado, he is a firefighter. I don’t know him real well, we are just getting acquainted. We spoke briefly at the conference in Los Angeles back in September.

After the golf tournament I sent him one of our caps. Below is the response I received:

Thanks again for the cap, Dave. I wore it the other day in the rain as my crew walk/ran for our PT. I like the kinship that my cancer has allowed me with the variety of other men/women facing these health challenges. You and many of our Brothers are very inspiring as they address their lives as dads, husbands, and vocationalists—all while under the load of a cancer diagnosis and/or management.

I hope you agree, enough said.

This just in from the newsroom….

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PSA = 23.3
Another small, rather insignificant change, but overall not the direction we had hoped we were headed. We are not going to make any other modifications right now, “just keep on riding the train”!
I find the result somewhat strange in that just minutes ago I was exchanging emails with someone, they asked how I was doing, and I told them I was waiting on my PSA, but overall I felt better than I had in months. I put faith in the Lord as he helps me manage through this and hope that my intuition continues to guide us in the right direction.
IIWII (it is what it is), now more than ever….
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Historical Numbers
Date – PSA
11/5/07 23.3
10/8/07 19.30
>10/8/07 Changed Lupron from 120 day dose to monthly dose
> 9-12-07 Began taking .5mg of Avodart per day. Changed Ketoconazole from 600mg twice per day to 400mg three times per day)
9/4/07 21.80
8/6/07 19.25
8/2/07 16.96
7/02/07 20.30
6/04/07 17.80
4/30/07 16.25
4/2/07 17.68
3/5/07 21.87
2/5/07 20.90
1/8/07 18.90
12/11/06 24.86
11/13/06 43.61
10/16/06 51.48 (Started “High Dose” Ketoconazole and Hydrocortisone, 10/01)[at this point and for a second time we prepared for Taxotere. First my Oncologist wanted to try High Dose Ketoconazole and Hydrocortisone.]
9/11/06 83.97 (started Zometa)
8/23/06 41.77
8/18/06 54.66(no tests in June or July)
5/19/06 11.37 (stopped Casodex)
4/3/06 4.25
3/5/06 1.4
51/27/06 0.46
12/28/05 1.85[at this point we prepared for Taxotere, chemotherapy treatments. First I had a new PSA test and new bone and CT scans, lymph nodes clear, spine clear, ribs, femur and hips stable. The PSA dropped to 1.85 and the scans revealed marked improvement. Chemo was cancelled 72 hours before it was scheduled to begin]12/15/05 7.1811/03/05 4.64 (Stopped taking Casodex)9/22/05 0.808/11/05 0.35
6/24/05 0.55
4/17/05 2.51 (taken at MD Anderson, Gleason lowered to 7/7)
4/06/05 3.51 (Six weeks after starting Lupron and Casodex)Original Gleason scores (7/8)Pre-treatment test:
2/?/05 219
12/?/04 189 (Original test)

‘ACE’ Squared

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In the end, Friday turned out to be a day truly sent from above. The weather was picture perfect, not a cloud in the sky and a high around 83.

144 players, 36 teams, many, many friends and family in attendance made it even better.

I have to start by once again thanking the members of the FLHW Board, the many volunteers and the sponsors. With out their support, time, effort and guidance we would have never made it. Mary in particular was on her ‘A’ game.

There were a number of sponsors whom I will recognize in the future on a page at flhw.org. However, three in particular need to be recognized; Jim Prange at BP Direct, Rich Lodes with Coca-Cola and my dear friend Pete.

Jim assisted with hats, t-shirts and many other items the day of the event. Jim – we are eternally grateful for your kindness and generosity. Rich really came through with beverages and numerous raffle items. As for Pete, I can’t say enough. Words are just a feeble attempt to thank him and express my sincere appreciation for what he did to recruit sponsors.

Additionally, a number of people traveled from California, Pennsylvania, Chicago, St. Louis, Maryland and several other places in order to play. They left friends and family at home in order to support our cause. A sacrifice that needs to be recognized.

On the day – we had two ace’s or holes-in-one. One of these was for a brand new Ford Mustang! Congratulation’s Mark and Troy!!

The winners are available here.

Thank you all once again, we might just make that $25,000 donation to the Prostate Cancer Foundation, stay tuned!

Blessed once more…..

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Tomorrow is the 3rd Annual FLHW Charity Golf Tournament and it strikes me once again how blessed I am in the midst of the medical crisis within my body.
 
The forecast is calling for clear skies and a high of 81 degrees, absolutely perfect weather for golf!  The tournament has been full for about six weeks and we have sponsors and donors galore. Again, the kindness of strangers is staggering.
 
As I write this I am listening to an absolutely wonderful song, a few years old but a real keeper:
    I’m Feeling You – Santana w/The Wreckers (Michelle Branch)
 
Here’s to God blessing us with: golf, friends, family, strangers, compassion, kindness, faith, love and hope.  I will try to express this to the many, many people I see tomorrow but with the hustle and bustle of getting everything coordinated, it sometimes can be hard to get this point across appropriately. 
 
Though I will be glad to see everyone and am appreciative of their efforts, I wish none of us had to be there in the first place.  They would not be there if it weren’t for me and Prostate Cancer but the day would not be such a success if it were for their willingness to put their work, their families and their lives on hold for one day.
 
So I think back to a prayer I posted on March 6, 2006
 
Thoughts in Solitude
by Thomas Merton

My Lord god, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you ,will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Amen