7.18 was the number
We have an appointment with Dr. Davis Tuesday to discuss next steps.
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I’m not shocked
I’m not sad
I am worried
I am strong
I am a fighter
I will beat this thing
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Hail Mary, full of grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art though amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus

Holy Mary mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
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Peace to you all and Merry Christmas
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In nine minutes I have the first of two meetings to end my day,
do you think I’ll be engaged and productive?
Perhaps I better – at least it will make time pass quicker……..

Tomorrow is the date of my next PSA test. It’s just the beginning because we’ll likely not know the results until early next week. Therefore, we will have a weekend filled with anxiousness and anticipation. Not that we haven’t already been experiencing this for most of the past week. We did a pretty good job of “moving on” over the past 5 weeks, but time has caught up with us.

Sleep over the past week has been restless. Between hot flashes and worry, I’ve been tossing and turning more than usual. Over the weekend my back/neck acted up. I was having more pain than usual. Up to that point, my pain was usually something that flared up at the end of the day. Sitting on the sofa would clear things up every time. On Saturday the discomfort would not go away for the most part, it increased on subsequent days peaking yesterday afternoon. The good news is this morning it was virtually gone. We were getting quite concerned. Let’s hope it continues the rest of the day and beyond.

What’s next, beyond this test? Let’s all pray (please) my PSA number comes down. If that is the case we just continue in this watch and wait mode. If it’s up, we have a very difficult choice to make – which of several treatment choices do we make? All are experimental, all are risky, all are only moderately promising? What a great position to be in, what lies behind door 1, 2 and 3???

Where all three are not good…….

I just noticed I used the word “usual” a number of times in this entry, what part of this entire experience is “usual”????

From time to time I wonder if there is anyone out there reading this? Is it having any effect? Is it helping anyone at all? Just about the time I start thinking that way I get a comment posted, a phone call or as the case was this weekend, an email from a complete and total stranger.

John (from Austin, TX) doesn’t even have Prostate cancer, he is battling Leukemia. He ran across the Blog and found the time to thank me for encouraging him, for making him look at the positives and not the negatives (something that as a reader you know I struggle with all the time). John offered his prayer and wondered if as a Catholic having a Baptist pray for me was appropriate? I’ll just say this, at the time I find myself at St. Peter’s gate I pray that that the entrance criteria has nothing to do with Catholic, Baptist, Methodist etc. – I hope it’s something as simple as:
1) Do you believe? 2) What did you do for your family, friends, neighbors and strangers?

So my questioning of the value of this has been put to rest (at least for awhile). It’s all a big circle, I encourage you and you encourage me. I prop you up and push you, and you return the favor as needed.

It’s the second week of Advent, the emotional pressure of Christmas grows heavier. It’s such a wonderful, beautiful time of year…….Ho, Ho, Ho!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ P.S.: I promised someone I would refrain from my shot by shot accounts of Disc Golf so I’ll just add this; yes it was 25 degrees on Saturday, yes we played and yes I improved by one more stroke (two over for the day!).
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P.S.S.: Friday marked 10 months since the Blog began! This next week marks the one year anniversary of my first doctor visit and my first PSA test.

Tonight on the way home from work I made a long overdue phone call. I called my best friend from high school. The oversight was not planned, I had actually thought about making the call and telling him many times. Like happens so often, one thing led to another and I kept forgetting to call him and tell him.

We talked for 10 or 15 minutes, I got his email address and plan to stay in touch. We even discussed getting together when we are in St. Louis over Christmas. We spent a lot of time together the last two years of high school and beyond. For the past ten years or so we’ve not stayed in touch, unless you count the annual Christmas card exchange. I know this is not a unique way for friends to grow apart. I felt better for finally calling him – I felt bad for not doing it sooner.

Attending Mass this morning was a little difficult, emotionally. I’m not sure if it was because of the holiday season, or the fact that this was my first school/weekday Mass of the school year? Perhaps, it was the topic. It was the feast day of St. Andrew. The reading spoke of Christ asking Andrew to follow him. Andrew did so, without question.

My thoughts were “am I ready”? Is what I’m going through a test, or a calling? I pray that if it is the former, I am capable and if it is the latter, like Andrew, I am ready.

If the last 9 1/2 months were turmoil, the next month has the potential of being worse. We are praying that the PSA test results from 12-15 will be encouraging, while at the same time, we are trying to prepare ourselves if it is not. We’re praying for a Merry Christmas at the Emerson house…….

I haven’t written much about disc golf lately, probably because my game hasn’t been worth chronicling! Yesterday morning was an ideal day for disc golf. Yes it was November 27th (Happy 74th Pops!) but the temperature at 7:30am was a balmy 58 degrees. I choose shorts, a tee shirt and a sweat shirt, the sweat shirt was gone by 8:15! The groups course of choice for fall/winter disc golf is a track that is literally cut through the woods. It provides ideal protection from the wind and the elements and provides visuals like a small white tailed deer that we have seen the last few weeks.

So, I slugged my way through the first nine holes and carded an unimpressive 6 over, 33. When I started the 10th hole by slamming my tee shot off one of several thousand oak trees, I thought the back nine would be reflective of the front. However, a great approach shot and a gimme putt and I carded a par. The next hole, #11, is the postcard hole. The tee box sticks out over a valley about 40 feet below. The basket lies about 300 feet ahead on the other side of the valley. The basket is closely guarded by a giant 100 foot oak and several hundred of it’s smaller brethren. When my tee shot left my hand I knew it was a good one. It followed an untraceable path through the branches and planted itself ten feet beyond the hole. An easy putt and it was off to the next hole – things were changing! The next hole is much easier, uphill and most of the trees lie at the end of the shot, at the top of the hill. Again, when it left my hand I knew it was good. Due to the elevation change it is difficult to guess how close it landed, when we arrived we found it lying 6ft to the left of the basket. Three holes into the back nine and I’m -2!! #13 is my hole-in-one hole (see entry from mid February). The pin position yesterday made this another 300 foot hole, but it’s all downhill requiring nothing more than a straight drive. Easier said than done! My drive floated about 80% of the way to the hole, hit a tree, rolled a little more, leaving me about a 30 foot downhill putt for bird. I jammed it in the basket! Walking to the 14th at -3 was a very, very good feeling, unbelievable! On 14 and 15 I made relatively routine pars, nothing spectacular. The 16th is perhaps the shortest hole on the course, perhaps 150 feet. However it’s all uphill (perhaps 25 feet above the tee pad) and slopes severely right to left. Any tee shot that is the slightest bit to the left is usually a bogey at best. The basket was tucked in a position that put it tightly behind a small grove of trees. Any chance of birdie requires an ideally placed tee shot. Mine was anything but ideal. It reached the top of the hill but was at least 40 feet short. All that stood between my disc and the basket was the tangled grove of trees. I could have taken the safe route and just flicked it out to the right side and left myself a 12ft+ putt for par but I thought, what the heck! A quick flip of the wrist and the APX sliced through the trees, BAM! My forth birdie in seven holes! 17 was another routine par and I blew my putt on 18 carding my first bogey on the back, proving once again I was mortal! In the end a 24, three under par was good enough to win the day at 57 – three over! Thanks Pete, Joe and Rich for allowing me to gloat a little!

So you are probably wondering, “What does David have to be thankful for?” It’s nothing elaborate, but it’s more meaningful than words do justice. I have:
– A wonderful, supportive, loving, adorable wife. I’m not sure how I would have gotten even this far without her.
– A beautiful, healthy, vibrant, sensitive son.
– A merciful God who’s plan continues to be revealed to me daily.
– Family that supports me, encourages me and worries for me.
– Friends who are there with a smile, a hand shake, a hug, or a simple pat on the back.
– Strangers, who as I said in the past, “…are just friends you have yet to meet”.

We will be staying in KC, gathering with the family on this side of the state. Giving thanks that we are all here together, to enjoy the day, each other, and food and cheer.

May each of you be blessed with a Happy Thanksgiving, good health, and much happiness, this year, and all the years ahead.

Think about your life and try to imagine a nine month period that was both as memorable and yet as tumultuous as February 18, 2005 to November 18, 2005 has been for me, and my family. This is not to say that what has, and is happening to us is unique. I cherish some of the memories and fight to forget many, many others. It’s still surreal, at times,I have to remind myself what is actually happening to me.

February 18, 2005: On one hand it could have been yesterday, time ticks by faster and faster as we get older. On the other hand, so many things have happened, it could just as well been a lifetime ago. I feel so different, but remain the same in so many ways. What’s in store over the next nine months and beyond? Only God knows. However, I am actually anticipating living through His plan as it is revealed to me on a daily basis. I’m dying, but living and more aware of my surroundings and the little things than at any other point in my life. I am confident that there are many, many days ahead and many, many more memories to make and to cherish.

The “holidays” are here. This has always been my absolute favorite time of the year. From the gathering of family at the Thanksgiving feast, to the joy our children experience each Christmas, it’s just so wonderful. This year, and the next and the next will now become even more meaningful for me. Each year I will certainly have much, much more to be thankful for! As for Christmas, the religious aspect, the real meaning of Christmas, will certainly become less blurred with the bombardment of materialism that has become so prevalent.
And so now I look forward to Milestone 12, and 18, and 120…..

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Bible, Hebrews 11:1
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Yesterday we made a donation to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. As a result of the golf tournament we were able to contributed $16,000. Better than that, due to a current “promotion” our donation was matched dollar for dollar! I can’t put into words how good this felt! I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who contributed! We’re counting on all of you for bigger and better results next year and the years ahead!

Hope is finding stories like this one;
Read this

Thanks to my wife for looking out for me….