PCa

No Foolin’

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, hrpca, PCa -

I received this from a fellow PCa survivor. So instead of April Fools hysterics, I thought I’d include it here.

In particular, this goes out to Brian.

To all my brothers out there trying to win the battles!

Be the kind of man that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says “Oh crap, he’s up!”
Brother, life is too short to wake up with regrets, so love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don’t, just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy, he just promised it would be worth it.

Today is Brother’s Day. Send this to all your brothers, fathers, sons.

If you get back 7, you are loved.
Happy Brothers Day!
I LOVE YA BROTHER!!!

To all of the cool men that have touched my life. Here’s to you!!

A real brother walks with you when the rest of the world walks on.

I am quite honored

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, PCa, Provenge -
I received an email last month that I was literally on the verge of deleting, but I am quite relieved that I didn’t. I have been invited to attend a “Patient Advocate Summit” for Dendreon Corporation. If all the red tape with the FDA is cleared, this Spring they are launching a new treatment called “Provenge’. I have written about it here on numerous occasions, as far back as October 2006.

Provenge has always been on our ‘what’s next’ treatment list. A quick description is this: blood is extracted from the patient and sent to Dendreon where is it infused with an immunotherapy. It takes about three days to send back and forth. Once the patient’s blood is returned, the compound is reintroduced to the patient. Although there has been a lot of controversy with the FDA and the clinical trials over the years, the most recent data shows that Provenge may prolong life for six months on average. Our hope is that I would be on the high end of the survival range. Given my health is otherwise good and I am relatively young, our intention is that my immune system would kick in and really attack the prostate cancer cells.

The site we are visiting will be one of the first three at which Dendreon is expanding the processing, once they receive final FDA approval.

I feel rather honored to have been asked to participate and am looking forward to the meeting tomorrow. I will be learning more about the clinical trials and new potential treatments as well, and will of course share my knowledge with all of you!

I also am looking forward to meeting a number of the ‘virtual’ friends I have come to know over the past five years!

Like Atlas

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, hrpca, PCa, PSA -

The news of late on one hand is weighing heavily on me, but on the other, we have been here before so I face the day with a smile and try to put the fear behind me. As we revisit this ‘place’ on our journey, I was recently reminded that Faith, Love and Hope are once again those attributes that we must lean on and call on to get through this period.

I try not to speak here as some sort of self-appointed expert on cancer. I just try to share what I know, what I feel about living with advanced, metastasized, hormone refractory Prostate Cancer. Right now it is the unknown that is most concerning. Fear is a particularly distracting emotion. It’s there, right there below the surface, sometimes deeper than others. This will all be behind us once we make a decision. Next week I will either prepare to start a clinical trial or begin a new treatment. Time is of the essence.

If I start the new treatment we will know within a few weeks if it’s working. However, what we will not know is how well and for how long. Another thing that concerns us (re: more fear) is if we pursue this treatment (DES), it will require radiation to my chest to avoid gynecomastia (think man boobs or ‘moobs’). It’s only a one time shot of radiation, but it’s still radiation. We must focus on the fact that there have been a lot of good results with this treatment. That is encouraging.

If we decide to pursue a clinical trial, I’ll have three more weeks when I have to remain off one aspect of my past treatment regime. This is sure to cause my PSA to go even higher. This thought is very concerning as well, again with the fear. The clinical trial is not looking too promising. We might even have a final answer later today. It is going to require some travel, but hopefully just three trips over a month’s time.

It is my burden, but it’s also hers and his. We will get through this together. So after a brief period of self pity and being somewhat consumed by the fear, I am moving on to more positive thoughts, feeling and attitudes. It’s not the final round in this fight, more like the 10th and I just got knocked down, but not knocked out!

One Thousand Eight Hundred and Forty Six Days

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, hrpca, PCa -

Time for a post that is a bit more reflective, if I can muster the emotion, the strength, to dig deep and find the courage to share.

In one sense, the last five years are a blur. I can remember bits and pieces, but lately as I go back and review some of my early blog posts, I find myself emotionally drained. At times perhaps I suffer from a little bit of denial. I really don’t think this is a bad thing, the denial. What other choice do I have? Do I focus on this really lousy diagnosis? Not a chance, that’s just not me.

On the other hand, during this review my mind is flooded with the memories, both good and bad, from the past five years. The memories are for the most part good ones. The human mind is a funny, tricky thing.

So today I’m driving to work, my drive is five miles, straight as an arrow south to north. As I leave our subdivision a small flock of ducks catches my eye. Like me they are headed north. I interpret this as a true sign of spring. As I cross each major intersection more and more birds join the flock. As a group they remain above me, growing and growing as we head north. By the time I reached my turn the flock must have reached a thousand. It was a good sign.

So you must be wondering where the heck I am going with this? The flock represented the Prostate Cancer community.We keep growing and growing, unfortunately. Like the interworkings of the flock, the lead bird is ever changing. There is no full time leader.

I know, a little deep, a bit silly, but sometimes I can be deep and silly!

Time keeps on slippin….

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, hrpca, PCa -

Some times days go by, fly by, and I just plain forget about posting here.

First, my dad is great. He was sent home from the hospital in less than 48 hours. He still has to wait for a few test results, but it initially looks promising.
Another milestone slipped by over the weekend. February 21, 2005
Ironic that the title is ‘Without Comment” and I haven’t really shut up about
it for five years!
We already had received the official news back from the doctor on February 11th. This was confirmation ofthe severity, the grave totality of the situation. If you read the post you might get a glimpse of what I believed has gotten me this far and provides me the strength to continue this battle day after day.
That first weekend was filled with faith, love of family and friends which in turn provided the hope required to win the battle. I refer to those words so often, but those words mean something.

They are far more than just words that I type into my computer.
Five years…so many wonderful memories, so many new friendships, so much more to look forward to in the years ahead. February 21, 2005 was truly the bottom. I wonder what’s next?

Alphabet soup

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, James Patterson, PCa, Sue Grafton -

I think I have mentioned here before that I like to read. My primary authors these days are James Patterson and Sue Grafton. I like the murder mystery writings of both.

I am just getting into the Alex Cross series from Patterson and only have one of his ‘Women’s Murder Club’ series to finish.

As for Sue Grafton, for those of you not familiar, she has written 20 books in the Kinsey Millhone ‘alphabet series’, “A is for Alibi….M is for Malice”, etc. I have read all but “I is for Innocent”. I can’t seem to find it at any of the used book stores and may have to resort to the library.

I stumbled upon Grafton on Spring Break 2008. We were in Anna Maria Island and after day five or so I had already finished “The Kite Runner” and another book I had brought along. I remember standing in Walgreen’s trying to find something, anything to read. It was there I found “J is for Judgment” and was immediately smitten with Kinsey Millhone.

The books all take place in the mid to late 1980’s and without going into detail, Kinsey is some kind of character, pun intended. She likes peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, drives a beat up 1947 Volkswagon Beetle. She is pretty much a loner. I could go on, but as I finished the book tonight, this sentence had deep meaning,
I hadn’t known him long, but some people simply effect us that way. Their sojourn is brief, but their influence is profound.

I add this as a footnote to the many, many men and women I have come to know over the past 4+ years. So much has changed, so much remains the same, and so much is still a mystery.

In case I don’t post before Thursday, may all of you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving wherever and whomever you spend it with this year!

Sometimes….

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, PCa -

There are times when I sit here and I wonder to myself…. “I have cancer…really?”

I don’t want you to think I’m depressed, it’s really the opposite. My leg/hip pain is all but gone and I’m feeling really good physically.

Maybe that’s why at this particular time I’m questioning the reality of my condition.

I spent last weekend at my brother’s property. He deer hunts with a few guys from St. Louis and I sit in the house and read books, watch college football and cook and overall just relax. This is the same place I wrote about in 2006 and in September of 2008. I would like to find more time to get up there. It’s incredibly beautiful.

I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I’m even trying to lose a few pounds as we approach the date. Looking forward to wonderful food and spending time with family. Again, more time to relax, and spend time with those I love.

A Mental Countdown

Advanced Prostate Cancer, AUA, David Emerson, PCa, Provenge, REXIN-G -

Four weeks went real fast.

Monday is my next appointment with Dr. V.

Where does the time go?

I approach this meeting with absolutely no expectation or preconceived idea about what the results
will show. I have been through the little dance too many times over the past 57 months to worry or even attempt to guess where this is going.

My leg is returning to normal, though there is still occasional, very mild pain. Usually if I sit too long. We will discuss with Dr. V for sure.

In the past week there have been three pieces of news related to prostate cancer that are of interest.

First, Dendreon Pharmaceuticals announced that they have submitted their application to the FDA for the drug Provenge. This has been a six year journey for them and somewhat good news for the group I fall into; late stage, hormone refractory. Provenge has been shown to add an average of four months of life. While this doesn’t sound like much, it is rather significant.

A new drug from Epeius Biotechnologies called REXIN-G made quite a splash this week. In early stage trials it is showing very promising results. I am not one to get too excited, it’s early, and the trials are limited, but it adds a little much needed HOPE.

Finally, the American Urological Association came out with a position that clarifies the need for continued early screening. I hope this goes a long way to help counteract statements made last month by the head of the American Cancer Society. As a PCa friend said via Twitter yesterday; screening should not be the controversy, the controversy lies in the decisions made around treatments. Particularly for men with early stage and low grade PCa.

And so I close with this, Hope lives on in me, always. This disease may take my life, but it will not kill me. What I mean by that, and pardon me for being repetitive, is that in the face of this adversity I push on full speed. With the strength provided by my wife, my son, my family, my friends and complete strangers, I march on into this daily battle with my head held high!