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Way back when

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Last week was the anniversary of my original biopsy. While I don’t remember much of the actual procedure, I do remember having to wait a week before I got a call back from the doctor. February 11, 2005 was the day that confirmed I had ‘it’. Though the bone and CT scan that would take place the next week confirmed the extent of the spread, the biopsy was the real start of the horror.
I know I over use this expression, but so much has happened, so much has changed. One thing that hasn’t changed since then was a statement I wrote back on February 11, 2005, 
‘I don’t want to die, this is harder than I even expected, pray for me’.
We settled into a routine years ago, one that provides enough comfort for us to function on a daily basis. It accounts for the peaks and valleys between doctors’ appointments and the other typical things that go on in a family. Last week was slightly better when it comes to the side effects, but I still struggle. There’s plenty of fight left in me all these years later. The bottom line however is I’m still not ready to die. I feel like I have a lot to do. So the feelings of nausea and fatigue just add to the weight  that I bear on a daily basis, and at times have me wondering how much more can I do?

9 Responses to Way back when

  1. David there is so much you have done for the prostate cancer community. You are such an inspiration to all of us! You are fighting so hard and I’m sorry your disease keeps on progressing. You are such a strong person and now is the time for all of us to support you and now is the time for you to relax and take pride in all you have done. Change your focus to living; spending quality time with family and friends. We are so proud of you.

    MP

  3. David, I found you here while doing online research for survival rates for this devestating diagnose. I believe all things happen for a reason – that ‘reason’ will, in all likelihood, never become clear to us but I believe there is a bigger cause we are all a smaller part of. I was diagnosed this past Oct. 2011 – prostatectomy followed 12/6 but surgical path showed positive margin. Your words “I don’t want to die.” are words I to speak with the fear of what might come to be in the days ahead. You’ve, through your Foundation, have no doubt touched more people than you know. Thank you for turning a personal negative into a positive for so many others. I hope I might come to know you. Brad

  4. David,

    My 1st anniverasary today. Due to start chemo but last minute psa test showed marked reduction. The Zoladex has kicked back in. Insisted on the psa test even tho’ the medics just wanted to go straight ahead with the chemo because I was feeling a bit better and was reminded that something similar had happened to you. If not for you I would be on chemo and possibly have lost a few months or more of healthy living.

    Thanks David -you are an inspiration and a real help to others – keep fighting – kick it’s butt – as you Americans say.
    Meanwhile I’m sending prayers from across the Pond.

    Melvyn

  5. David, I know how much more you can do and it’s easily much more than most. You have shown over the course of your life, especially over the past 7 years, the incredible gifts that God has blessed you with. These gifts are for all time and remain intact. While the past several months have been some of the most challenging for you, your light continues to shine.

    God bless you.

    Jeff

  6. David, You are thought of and prayed for more than you know. You allow us to be close to you no matter where we are and to do that takes a certain strength and faith. Thank you so very much.
    Wishing you God’s peace,
    Don & Susan

  7. David, My husband was in the very same shoes as you. Know the Lord will be with you every step of the way. What I grasped with your comment, your journey is not over yet, you have unfinished business to do, and that is what you have been doing and will be with the help of the Lord. My husband fought the beast all the way to the end, and you will too. He found peace he needed to journey into the his own spiritual being. Praying for hope, comfort and peace for you….
    Karen

  8. Your strength gives others fighting this beast motivation and hope. Your words and personal experience bring something special to those fighting Cancer as well as their families when we feel like there is no hope. Please continue to know each day you fight gives strength to so many people that you’ve never met. Love and peace through Christ.

    Natalie