David Emerson

A brick wall

Advanced Prostate Cancer, chemotherapy, David Emerson, disc golf, PCa -

I was able to get almost all of the way through the week without much day time fatigue, just in the evening and over night.Today on the other hand I am beat. It’s just after noon and I am contemplating heading home for a several hour nap!

I am hoping this does the trick because tomorrow it is supposed to be 60 degrees and disc golf is calling my name! I’ll have to see how things go this afternoon and tonight.
In addition I was hoping to go out a have a nice dinner with Mary tomorrow night, since we spent my birthday at home. I’m not upset with that, I was tired, it was freezing out and my brother-in-law was still getting over a cold. So maybe with the warm weather tomorrow the four of us will find time for a nice meal?
Not much else to share today, other than the fact I pine for spring!

Happy Birthday, sort of!

Black Rock, chemotherapy, David Emerson, O.A.R., PCa -

If you look at the header of my blog you might notice a subtle change, today I turned forty six!
Four years ago, in the midst of testing and diagnosis, I seriously could never imagine myself in this position. Additionally, yesterday was my 12th and final chemo treatment!
However, the meeting with Dr. V didn’t go all that well, my PSA was back up again. On the 5th of January it had dropped to 29 and now it has climbed back to 37.

We still have one more follow up in three weeks to validate the impact of this last chemo treatment. After that, we’ll choose our next path. There are several directions we may take, decisions will happen in a few weeks.

It was somewhat appropriate that the music I chose in the treatment room yesterday included this song from a band my niece turned my on to, O.A.R.

O.A.R. – Black Rock
When you are on your own
not speaking out is like fighting alone
and that is the worst damn way to fight
and when you are scared no more
you reach your hand out and just open the door
and thats just what I’m doing tonight
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Finally, Andrew, thanks for the card!!!
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
…….

The end is near, the end of chemo!

chemotherapy, David Emerson, disc golf, Ice Bowl, PCa -

It’s been a long road, not too terribly difficult of a road, but long and arduous.
With today’s events, this post is a milestone. It is also the first of many significant posts in the upcoming days.

There are birthdays, anniversaries, and a number of key markers in this journey that are to be recognized. I hope you check back to live and re-live the events with me.

What a long, strange trip it’s been……and will certainly continue to be!

P.S. – It was 17 degrees when we started the Ice Bowl yesterday and 20 degrees when we finished at 12:15. We chose not to play the second round because they were running so far behind that it would have been after 3:00pm. The good news is they were running behind because they had an estimated 300 brave souls out to play Disc Golf!! Great news for this year’s benefactor!

The Dirty Dozen

chemotherapy, David Emerson, disc golf, Ice Bowl, St Peregrine -

On Monday I will undergo my 12th, and let’s pray, final chemo treatment. I am really looking forward to it’s conclusion.

The past 7+ months have flown by quickly. As my overall PCa experience over the last four years, the chemo experience has been full of ups and downs. I must say, that as I sit here tonight and write this, I feel great.

After slacking off my exercise regime over the holidays, I worked out four days both last week and this week. This week I even got back on the exercise bike three times. Though I only rode 10-12 minutes, it felt good to once again get my heart racing. However, even after 10 minutes or so, I can rarely get my heart rate over 130 beats per minute. This has always been a problem for me, I guess I’m just too laid back!

It’s that time of year again for the Ice Bowl (here are some previous posts about the Ice Bowl)
pain-in-neck

ice-bowl-video

i-am-such-wii-knee

The forecast this year is calling for a high of 26, but it looks like it will be 18 degrees when we get started on Sunday morning! Remember the motto of the Ice Bowl “No wimps, no whiners”!

Monday will be here before you know it and with that thought, I ask for your thoughts and prayers as I end one stage and enter another.

Prayer to Saint Peregrine ~ Patron Saint to cancer patients
O great St. Peregrine,
you have been called “The Mighty,”
“The Wonder-Worker,”
because of the numerous miracles
which you have obtained from God
for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years
you bore in your own flesh
this cancerous disease
that destroys the very fiber of our being,
and who had recourse
to the source of all grace
when the power of man could do no more.

You were favored with the vision of Jesus
coming down from His Cross
to heal your affliction.

Ask of God and Our Lady,
the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you.
(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)

Aided in this way by your powerful intercession,
we shall sing to God,
now and for all eternity,
a song of gratitude
for His great goodness and mercy.
Amen.

Ramblings

Brotherhood, Charity Disc Golf, chemotherapy, Darius Rucker, David Emerson, PSA, texas Hold 'em -

I have nothing specific to report today, so here are some random things that come to mind.

Have you heard the new Darrius Rucker CD, “Learn to Live“? In case you don’t know, he is the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. The genre is supposedly country, but I would consider most of the songs more rock. Regardless, I still like the CD overall.

I started a new TV series via the iPod. Last week on Monday night after treatment I needed something new while I was awake all night. The show is “Brotherhood” and is currently in season three on Showtime. Since I can never start a new series in the middle I got season one from NetFlix. After four episodes it’s better than average but I’m still not sure. It’s really the story of Cain and Able. The good brother is the city councilman and bad brother a small time gangster, with a conscious.

We are deep in the throws of winter this week in Kansas City, overnight temperatures tonight well below zero. It is supposed to be short lived and rumor has it we might see the fifties by the weekend. Hmmmm, can you say disc golf?

The foundation, www.flhw.org has a few events that are coming up in the first half of 2009. On Fat Tuesday, February 24th, we will be having another Texas Hold ‘Em event. Details will be available soon. On Saturday May 9th we will be having our second annual disc golf tournament, again details will be available soon. We are also contemplating a dinner/wine tasting but have a long way to go with this possible event.

Finally, I am looking forward to Monday January 26th with trepidation. On one hand, it will be the end of chemo. On the other hand the ominous ‘what next’ lies ahead. God will guide us in our decision, but all decisions from this point on are compounded in their significance. We’ll see what happens when we get there…..

Ace times three

chemotherapy, David Emerson, disc golf, PCa -

That’s this morning, January 11, 2009 after getting a hole-in-one on the 5th hole!

After a long tiring, post chemo week, I was feeling great this morning so I decided to join a few of the guys at a new disc golf course. The baskets aren’t in yet so we aimed for trees marked like the one next to me. The object was to hit the tree below the ribbon. My shot was 300+ feet from the tee pad and hit the tree right smack in the middle.

Better than my accomplishment, my brother in law Rich got two!! He started the day with one on the first hole and finished the round with another on the 18th! It was only 24 degrees when we started but with no wind it quickly reached 40 degrees.

This afternoon we took down the Christmas tree and put the decorations away. Now football has ended and it’s time to finish the book I started yesterday and get a good night sleep before I start working out again tomorrow morning.

Update before ten

chemotherapy, Christmas, David Emerson, Lake of the Ozarks, PCa -

Before I get to your real reason for coming here an update from today I have to share a weather ‘event’. We were driving back from our annual shopping spree at Lake of the Ozarks and we stopped in Clinton, Mo, about an hour from home. When we got out to stretch out legs, etc. it was 65 degrees outside, absolutely beautiful. As was started back out, 15 minutes later it had dropped to 40 degrees and when we arrived home an hour late, it had dropped 41 degrees and was a mere 24! Overnight it is supposed to dip below 9 degrees! Crazy weather…

Hopefully the freezing rain we are also supposed to get won’t make our trip to KU Cancer Cancer too dangerous. The only thing that might make things easier is that this appointment is not until the afternoon, with treatment not beginning until 2:00pm.
I am somewhat reluctant about treatment #10, particularly after the last time. Ten days before Christmas, I could use some good news, something a little encouraging. I spent part of this morning updating a matrix Mary and I keep with all my test scores, as well as a list of what options lie ahead. After looking it over, my mind is all over the place. I’m not really sure what direction I want to go? If we have to make a change we can add DES or estrogen while continuing to see Dr. V, if we want to seek others options and possibly other clinical trials we are in all likely hood going to have to leave KC. Where we end up going would entirely depend on the trial. This is a decision I have dreaded for years. Not much has changed, the dread is still there….
So, that is where I’m at mentally, a little bit all over the place. Apprehensive, scared, encouraged, hopeful, indecisive……. wondering…. what lies ahead?

Four Hundred

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson -

It was early December 2004 when this train wreck began. December 10, 2004 I had my first PSA test, the results was 189. It got worse before it got better peaking at 271 in early February 2005.

It was at that time this blog was ‘born’ and here we are 400 posts later. The original post from February 2, 2005 was titled “The start of the end?“, here is a portion:

So here I am, a 42 year old, white male and tomorrow I am having a biopsy to determine if the problems I am experiencing are ultimately diagnosed as Prostate Cancer. Grim thought indeed.

Worse case, unsuccessful treatment, or surgery and death. Best case, it’s simply prostatitis (sp?) and the wonderful world of medications will cure all. I’m remaining somewhat hopeful but because of family history and the number of symptoms I have, I am fighting to remain positive. I pray a lot more than I ever have.

I worry most about my wife and young son and how they would go on? Braggadocio aside, I am her life. We are very close and literally are each others world. She lost her mom at 8, the same age he is now. Financially she will be fine because of insurance and other investments we have made over the years. But I worry about them both emotionally and psychologically. I can’t imagine going on without her or him, it saddens me deeply. I pray a lot more than I ever have……

I can still feel the fear in my inner voice as I typed those words. It was a lifetime ago, so much has changed, but one thing remains the same; I still have it and it’s not going away.

The last three years and ten months have brought so much change, mostly positive, happy changes. Not all have been so.

Four hundred posts, I would have never imagined I had enough to share to fill four hundred posts?

The next four years are sure to bring as much change, chaos, ups and downs as the last four. Reading post number one, and comparing it to where I am today, it almost seems like another person wrote those words.
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After last weeks chemo treatment my week was about the same. I experienced a pretty bad case of metallic tongue which kind of ruined Thanksgiving. I was also pretty run down on Wednesday night through Friday morning. Things have returned to ‘normal’ this week as have my taste and appetite!
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On another note Mary and I have a very dear friend in Minneapolis, Mark B. I wrote about him back on October 29th. Mark is currently in the midst on his own chemo treatment for sarcoma and he and his family need all of our prayers. So I ask that you send one their way as they could surely use our help.