PCa

On my way out….

Advanced Prostate Cancer, Dana Jennings, David Emerson, MD Anderson, MDV3100, PCa -
Before I head out I thought I’d share two things.

First, there was a bit of good news today as it relates to treatments.

Here’s the story from Bloomberg.

Interesting note, the research was funded via the Prostate Cancer Foundation. Perhaps
FLHW.org is doing some good!

Second item is from another, more prominent PCa blogger. I may have mentioned him here before? Dana Jennings, (a New York Times editor writes each week about coping with an aggressive form of prostate cancer) His latest blog is here. His words say so much better was I was trying to get across at the end of my last blog.

Stay tuned, more from the road…..


Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, PCa, wes witcher -

Last year at this time we were returning from Spring Break in Florida. It was at this time when I received the news of the passing of one of our PCa brothers, Wes Witcher (this is the post I wrote)

Today, I received the above from Sheri. It reminded my of both how fast time is passing and exactly how blessed I am.

To Sheri, Taylor and Haley may God’as grace continue to bless you all and may peace always be with you.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.

Spring and a break!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, disc golf, PCa -

Spring found KC in a big way! The weather since last weekend has been wonderful, and we couldn’t have asked for better timing since we stayed home for Spring Break!

Oh course there has already been four rounds of disc golf and Saturday we helped some of the guys from the local club out by orking on the course in the woods. It was only two hours,but back breaking work!
Monday Brad and I played 9 holes of ball golf and he did really well. He showed much improvement from last year at this time.
Yesterday I played disc in the morning, washed and detailed cars for two and a half hours then played another round of disc golf. This year the FLHW disc golf tournament is being held at a private course, just two minutes from the house. It’s long, there are a lot of trees that come into play, and it took two of us two hours to play. We primarily went out to determine how to lay out the course for our event on May 9th. It’s going to be great, a real challenge, and I really hope the local disc golf community (and others) come out to play and support the cause!
Well, that’s really it for now, I’m really tired after yesterday and I still have two or three basketball brackets to fill out!

I’ll be……

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, Edwin McCain, PCa, University of Kansas Cancer Center -
Perhaps it’s four years of androgen deprivation therapy and the subsequent lack of testosterone circulating in my body, but I am so much more emotional than I used to be.
Last night we decided to stay in, have a nice dinner and watch a movie.
We split a few pounds of king crab legs, a bottle of wine and laid back to watch
“Nights in Rodanthe” with Richard Gere and Diane Lane.
The movie itself was terrible. It was a poor attempt to recreate some chemistry between these two that can be found in the movie from 2002, “Unfaithful“.  Without revealing too much, it takes a rather sad twist at the end, and even as bad as it was, there I was with tears in my eyes. Mary asked “Are you crying?”. My response, “Can you believe it? As bad as this movie is, here I am getting all emotional about it!”
So now, here I sit, working on a Power Point deck for our church auction next Saturday. I am shuffling through iTunes at the same time and on comes “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain. Here’s the video.   I find the whole song to be beautiful, such that it makes me cry nearly every time I hear it. Click on the link, and pay particular attention to the chorus.
———————————————————-
Edwin McCain; I’ll Be
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof.
My love is alive — not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead.
I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your…
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
…greatest fan of your life.

———————————————————-

All of this leads me to tomorrow’s appointment with Dr. V. I’m tinged with worry. However, I usually am before these appointments. This time I’m not sure what it is? Now that chemo is over, the question of what next lies out there like….well I’m not sure what it’s like? Over the past few days I’ve been having a little pain on my back, nothing severe perhaps a 1.5 on a 10 point scale. It’s just enough to make me wonder, to make me worry.
I guess this makes me normal.

Year 5 Begins

Advanced Prostate Cancer, Dana Jennings, David Emerson, PCa, prostate cancer -

I wish I could say “I remember it like it was yesterday”, but I don’t!

I know I was in a conference room in a previous job. I know Dr. D was out of town and I raised a bit of a stink with his office staff. I knew the biopsy results were back but the staff wanted me to wait to talk with the Dr regarding the results and I did NOT want to wait another four or five days for him to return.
One of his partners called me back and dropped the news… dropped the bomb, “You have cancer …blah, blah, blah…” whatever else he added was moot. My mind was a blur, I was a mess. Some how I made it through that day and the 1,460 that have since followed.
So here I sit, four years later about to embark on year five of this journey I wish it would have never begun. I have no sorrow, I live with no regrets. I am just a man looking forward, but never too far because of the unknown. What will happen next week, next month or in four more years remains a mystery. What allows me to sleep most nights is the fact that not knowing what lies ahead makes me no different than the rest of you. Plan as you may, you just never know what’s going to happen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is a writer for the New York Times, Dana Jennings. He too is keeping a blog about his PCa experience. Though his diagnosis and subsequent treatment are far different than mine, today’s post hit close to home. You should go read it at:
‘Love in the Time of Prostate Cancer’
His last line says it all:
“In the long shadow of prostate cancer, I’ve learned that I married the right woman.”
Though I might have changed it to:
“In the long shadow of prostate cancer, I’m reminded that I married the right woman.”

180 Needles later

Advanced Prostate Cancer, blood thinners, David Emerson, disc golf, Lovenox, PCa -

This morning was a good morning, I gave myself my last injection of Lovenox! (see this post http://flhw.ddmpreview.com/im-not-lovenox/)
Six months of daily injections are over, woo-hoo!! Now it’s just a daily baby aspirin to control clotting.
The mention of baby asprin reminds me of when I was young and one of my brothers liked those orange Johnson’s Baby aspirin so much, he ate the whole bottle. I bet the thought of the stomach pumping that followed still gives him chills!
Four years ago today I sat at work and wrote how frightened I was about the results of the biopsy I had experienced the day before. As it turned out, I had good reason to be concerned. Those thoughts, that fear, feels like it is from another life, one that I no longer lead. Not that I am naïve about the road ahead, but dwelling on the negative does no good.

Spring is going to tease us once again for the next few days with temperatures climbing well into the sixties. If the wind cooperates, we’ll be spending a lot of time outside both in the yard and playing, what else!

Happy blog-aversary!!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, Chef Roger, chemotherapy, David Emerson, FLHW, Kenny Chesney, PCa, ric masten, rick sadler, wes witcher -

February 2, 2005
The title, “Start of the end”.
How short sighted was I?
So many, many things have happened since then, I’ll try to communicate the highlights in the list below:
– Fear
– Acceptance
– The root of FLHW
– Disappointment in Houston
– Kenny Chesney, Boston concert, etc.
– Disc golf
– The beauty of Spring
– The continued importance of friends and prayer
– Reaching nadir so quickly
– Selecting an Oncologist
– The emotional ups and downs begin
– Anna Maria Island
– Sweden, the British Open
– The Lake
– The Kooks
– Holidays
– It’s not about me
– Birthdays
– The passing of Leona
– The passing of Ric, Rick, Wes, Aubrey, Chef Roger and other PCa brothers
– The power of Hope
– It is what it is
– Chemotherapy
– Friends from: New Zealand, Australia, Las Vegas, Tennessee, New York, Texas, Florida and more
– $100K for PCF
– Brad
– Mary
– the future….

A brick wall

Advanced Prostate Cancer, chemotherapy, David Emerson, disc golf, PCa -

I was able to get almost all of the way through the week without much day time fatigue, just in the evening and over night.Today on the other hand I am beat. It’s just after noon and I am contemplating heading home for a several hour nap!

I am hoping this does the trick because tomorrow it is supposed to be 60 degrees and disc golf is calling my name! I’ll have to see how things go this afternoon and tonight.
In addition I was hoping to go out a have a nice dinner with Mary tomorrow night, since we spent my birthday at home. I’m not upset with that, I was tired, it was freezing out and my brother-in-law was still getting over a cold. So maybe with the warm weather tomorrow the four of us will find time for a nice meal?
Not much else to share today, other than the fact I pine for spring!

Happy Birthday, sort of!

Black Rock, chemotherapy, David Emerson, O.A.R., PCa -

If you look at the header of my blog you might notice a subtle change, today I turned forty six!
Four years ago, in the midst of testing and diagnosis, I seriously could never imagine myself in this position. Additionally, yesterday was my 12th and final chemo treatment!
However, the meeting with Dr. V didn’t go all that well, my PSA was back up again. On the 5th of January it had dropped to 29 and now it has climbed back to 37.

We still have one more follow up in three weeks to validate the impact of this last chemo treatment. After that, we’ll choose our next path. There are several directions we may take, decisions will happen in a few weeks.

It was somewhat appropriate that the music I chose in the treatment room yesterday included this song from a band my niece turned my on to, O.A.R.

O.A.R. – Black Rock
When you are on your own
not speaking out is like fighting alone
and that is the worst damn way to fight
and when you are scared no more
you reach your hand out and just open the door
and thats just what I’m doing tonight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, Andrew, thanks for the card!!!
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
That’s the way aha, aha
I like it, aha aha
…….