U2

Beautiful Day!

Beautiful Day, David Emerson, U2 -

I really don’t fear my emotions, I embrace them for the most part. However, there are times when they conflict and times when they surface at the wrong place and time.

Right after this picture was taken, right in the midst of the U2 concert, I was briefly struck with a tremendous amount of emotion. I fought it back but it was difficult. I was both happy and anxious.

My joy was the obvious culmination of nearly eighteen months of waiting for the moment to actually happen. The concert was cancelled last summer so we had to wait. In those eighteen months, a lot has happened with me and my battle, and there we were, finally.

At the same time I knew at that moment he and I were making memories. For him there are aspects of that night and the previous day that will last him many, many years, perhaps a lifetime.

For me those two days will also last a life time, but in all likelihood, a more abbreviated one. For you, the reader, this thought might be hard to understand. You might even be questioning, Was he really thinking that, in the middle of the concert?

My eminent demise is a thought that is always there lurking slightly below the surface. I’m a rather seasoned expert of keeping the thought and accompanying emotion at bay, but there it was, and there it remains. It’s the elephant in the room around here. I talk about it only occasionally, but think about it often.

So why in the world would I quote the U2 song in the title of this blog and then go on to write a rather striking if not depressing entry? First, because I try to share nearly everything. Secondly, and much more importantly, to show you and those that find this blog next week, next year and so on, that it’s ok to have these thoughts and experiences as long as you can keep them in perspective before returning to hope.

‘Hope’, that which gets us through this and every ‘Beautiful Day’.

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day 

Peace be with you all.

You too!

Advanced Prostate Cancer, Chicago, David Emerson, Miller-Coors, Soldier Field, U2 -

I don’t like the term ‘bucket list’. It infers that ultimately there is an end. I prefer to focus on what to do in the present.I’m not saying I don’t have a list, as a matter of fact I posted a list here years back that I should probably review.

With this in mind, I spent my the last two days in Chicago with a dear friend. We were there to see the band U2 in concert at Soldier Field. This was my first time seeing this band in concert and they didn’t disappoint, it was great! The stage cannot be explained, it is enormous! For those of you who are not fans I’ll just say this, U2 is one of the few bands that after having been together for over 30 years you can sense that they enjoy what they are doing and more importantly, enjoy being with each other and being a band. Short of providing the set list, I’ll just say it was a splendid mix of new and old.

One of the best parts of the trip was the fact that we never went to the miracle mile/Michigan Ave. I say that because of the dozens of times I have been to downtown Chicago, I have always stayed in and around Michigan Ave. This time we stayed one night at a friend’s place up near Wrigleyville and last night at another friend’s place in Old Town. I appreciated both their hospitality and the exposure I had to a new part of Chicago, truly a new experience for me.

We rode the El, took a few cabs and walked, a LOT! I would guess we walked 10+ miles yesterday alone and for me, I loved every step of the adventure! We ate great food, enjoyed cold beverages, met new friends, laughed, talked and generally soaked up the beauty of the windy city.

I’m trying to figure out how to get to St. Louis to see the band perform once again on July 17th!!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, PCa, PSA, U2 -
I could have sworn I used this title before but after searching the blog, I’m in luck, the title is available!

Let’s start off with “The Good” – I’ve been off Advil for nearly two days. After experiencing quite a bit of pain in my left hip last week and earlier, things took a turn for the better over the weekend. I still don’t have full leg motion, but being able to put the Advil aside is great. I was at the point where I was taking 800mg every 8 hours. This isn’t an issue once in a while, but long term use at this level can cause stomach issues. I walked a mile yesterday morning and worked out for about twenty minutes this morning. While at the oncologist’s office yesterday I had my left hip x-rayed. If this turns out to be arthritis then it looks like I might add Celebrex to my daily dosage of meds. Updates on this to follow. It’s strange that I am hoping that it is arthritis. The alternative is not a welcome thought at this time.

“The Bad” also has to do with yesterday’s appointment. My PSA number came back and it has once again gone up a little. Currently my PSA is 129.6, up from 118.3 last month. No panic has set in, we just hope to bend the curve next month!

“The Ugly” is the fact that I will be looking for a job as of June 30th. Though I have known about this since September, there were some indications until yesterday that the date may be extended. It’s not all that terrible, I have 36 weeks of severance. Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, I can switch to Mary’s health insurance next year when mine runs out. With twenty years of experience in telecommunications and a pretty solid resume I have faith I’ll find something in due time.

Oh but there’s more…Looks like out air conditioner just went out! When the thermostat is set at 76 and the temperature in the house is 86, you know there is problem! To top that off, the U2 tour was just postponed until 2011, so much for my first live U2 experience this summer!

In closing, I want to add this cliché ridden statement; “It’s all good people!” Seriously, we’ve been down this road before and we’ll come out better when it’s all through.

Wa, War. He gonna fight but he don’t know what for?

Advanced Prostate Cancer, David Emerson, U2, Uninversity of Mizzouri -

Again, with the lyrics, so where do you think I’m headed now?

Well, for once in this battle I wage, I have planned an event further than a month out. I have been discussing with my friend Mark for months and months the fact that I have never seen U2 in concert. While I may not be the biggest fan in comparison to Mark and my other friend Gary, I have been a fan since the early 1980’s.

For me, my first U2 exposure goes back to the University of Missouri, 1983. Though I only attended Mizzou for the fall semester of ’83, the memories are vivid nearly thirty years later. Before you ask, no I did not flunk out. I left for others reasons that are too long to include here. Fortunately, I did continue my education and eventually earned a bachelor’s degree as well as an MBA, but it would have been nice to complete my undergrad program at Missouri. Leaving is one of my few regrets in life.

Now, back to U2, Bill and I were assigned to a dorm floor that turned out to be party central, imagine that!One of the guys we came to know was a guy Jay. It turns out Jay worked at the campus radio station and therefore had access to some fantastic music. Twenty-seven years later I still have the mix tape Jay made. It contains XTC, Big Country and many of the Alternative Bands of the early 1980’s. The one that stuck with me most was of course U2. The three songs he included were: Sunday, Bloody Sunday, Gloria and Refugee. In case you were wondering, the title of this blog is a line from the U2 song “Refugee”. I wonder if that tape even plays anymore?

Last week I took a big step and made plans for July. While this may not seem monumental to you, as I often mention here, looking even a few months ahead is something I do not do very frequently, due to the battle with this disease. Concert tickets and plane tickets have been purchased and the hotel is booked. Mark, Gary, myself, and a few others will be at the Soldier Field event in Chicago!

So now that I have taken care of a personal event, next up on the ‘planning’ list is the ultimate family vacation! Oh where do we go?

After the letters, we moved on to the numbers

Big and Rich, Deaf Pedestrians, Five for Fighting, iPod, Matchbox 20, PCa, prostate cancer, U2 -

Finishing up on my adventure through my iPod. If you don’t remember, or are new around here, back in September I started listening to my iPod in alphabetical order by song title. It’s been amazing and a fantastic way to shuffle through the entire 6 meg stuffed into my iPod Mini.

With 14 songs to go (of 1307 in total) I got through the letters and switched to songs that being with numbers. First up was:
100 Years by Five for Fighting – a song that hits too close to home, my eyes well up almost every time I listen to it. “there’s never a wish better than this, when you only got a hundred years to live“
15 Beers Ago by the Deaf Pedestrians – I think I got this as a free iTunes song. A head banger, I think they are a Dallas based band?
Well I might’ve gone too far
‘Cuz now I’m sitting at the bar
Without a beer and 13 rednecks
At the bar.

And they’re talking about their trucks
And if the Stars will beat the Ducks
And the band onstage that sucks
At the bar.
And this is how I’m gonna end it…

1979 by Smashing Pumpkins – my favorite Pumpkins song by far.
19th Nervous Breakdown by the Rolling Stones. A classic, listed without comment.
29 by the Gin Blossoms. It didn’t garner much (any?) airplay but one of my favorites
Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories

3 AM by Matchbox 20. The chorus reminds me of 3 A.M. conversations with Mary.
and she says baby
it’s 3am I must be lonely
when she says baby
well I can’t help but be scared of it all sometimes
the rain’s gonna wash away I believe it

40 by Section 5. This a cover of the U2 of the same title. However, Section 5 is a string quartet and the song is from the album titled “Strung Out on U2” [thanks Gary], the album is a must for any avid U2 fan, very cool.

Finally, what was last? What song was #1307? Was there more irony, as noted in earlier posts? Not really.
The final song happened to be 8th of of November by Big and Rich. Put any disdain you may have for country music and listen to this wonderful tribute to the 173rd Airborne during what some say was one of the deadliest battles in Vietnam.
On the 8th of November,
The angels were crying
As they carried his brothers away.
With the fire raining down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standing that day.
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November.

Sunday and Sundown….

disc golf, Kansas City, prostate cancer, Raph Macchio, Sundown, U2 -

Eventually two things will come to an end; first I will get through my complete iPod play list and second, we will finish painting my brother in law’s house! I would put money on the latter, I have just reached song 995 of 1,246. Yesterday morning yet another bout of irony, songs that began with “Sunday” in the title (think U2 etc.). But my favorite song of the day had to be “Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot.

Sometimes I think it’s a shame
When I get feelin’ better when I’m feelin’ no pain
Sometimes I think it’s a shame
When I get feelin’ better when I’m feelin’ no pain

It was quite a beautiful weekend in Kansas City, 82 and sunny on Saturday, windy and 65 yesterday. It was nice enough that we played disc golf both days. Saturday we had a big crowd and played a two man scramble, yesterday there was just four of us and we played down in the woods to avoid the 30+ mph wind gusts. I held my own and squeaked by with a one shot victory over Rich, Pete and Jud.

We spent seven hours Saturday and five more yesterday painting. The house looks great we are both aiming to finish next Saturday! I’m strange, yes for a lot of reasons, but I like painting, I always have. In some way I find it therapeutic or relaxing. I’m not sure what Ralph Macchio‘s problem was?

No regrets….

Edwin McCain, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, Miles Davis, prostate cancer, PSA, the Big C, U2 -

I have spent the past three days in San Antonio at a conference for work. While it was very educational, I also had the opportunity to spend time with a few people that have become important to me since I began my battle with prostate cancer.

On Tuesday, I had lunch with John W. John’s blog is linked on the left. He lives in Austin and has CLL. Over the past few years we have become good friends and for him to drive down from Austin just to have lunch was an incredible act of kindness. I’ll post the picture here after he sends it over.

Tuesday night, I had dinner with Mark H. Mark and I met at the conference I attended in Los Angeles last month. We had some really great sushi and exchanged a number of stories, thoughts and perspectives on prostate cancer. Like John W he traveled about 70 miles to join me, I really appreciate it Mark!!!

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For the golf tournament I had created a CD based of the music that I have mentioned within this blog – but I forgot to play it.

In case you are interested, here’s the song list:

I’ll be- Edwin McCain
Amarillo Sky – Jason Aldean
Broadway – Goo Goo Dolls
Beautiful Day – U2
Santa Monica – 3 Doors Down

Life Ain’t Always Beautiful – Gary Allan
One Thing – FINGER ELEVEN
Songs We Sing – Matt Costa
Can’t Get There From Here – REM
Photograph – Nickelback
Boston and Island Boy – Kenny Chesney
Kind of Blue – Miles Davis
Blue Rondo à la Turk – Dave Brubeck
Back on Top – Van Morrison
The Calling – Wherever you will go